I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
