God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
