Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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