So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
