he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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