it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
