then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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