problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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