it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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