my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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