It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
