make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
