Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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