I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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