Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
