Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
how drunk are you?
Several
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
