Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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