dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
sarcasm needs its own font
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
