can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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