My hand turned me down
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
