Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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