If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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