i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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