yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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