sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
