Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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