I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
