my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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