He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
