you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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