we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize