Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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