last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
