I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize