I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
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i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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