hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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