we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
