After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
