Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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