We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
