hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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