I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
