My hand turned me down
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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