Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Panties = found
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
