I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
