Do you still have your period?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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