I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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