He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
