How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
