whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
