i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
