Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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