dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
