The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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