I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
