Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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