Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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