Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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