just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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