We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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