thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
