Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
