Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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