He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
