the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A+ Viking dick
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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