Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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