I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
