did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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