Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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