I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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