how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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