I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
