My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
