i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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