The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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