she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
3 2 1 whiskey
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
