Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We need to get me chipped asap
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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