I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
