The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
