Is it because I queefed?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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