Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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