i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
