mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
