after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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